The Audacity to Show Up
Erik Guzman August 24th, 2007
I've been noodling on something Anne Lamott said on the talk show…
"I really know what it's like to flail and fail and not know what you're doing and to be familiar with the really dark aspects of yourself and the dark corners, but I know that with Jesus…with God you don't say come on in to the living room because you've got that one room together. You can't trick God into staying in the living room. God's gonna wanna see the closets.
If you want the healing you have to pull the stuff out of the closets too, even though it makes you feel bad.
With people, we're so brainwashed into thinking that this stuff is held against us by God just because it was held against us by our parents or by the cool kids in high school, but the only way you get through it is to just kinda wear it down by having the audacity to show up anyway."
I've always felt like the hooker who showed up at the preacher's house for dinner. For a while I thought I could cover up my fishnet stockings and the track marks on my arms with a long-sleeved flowered dress, hoping that no one would notice I'm a whore.
It didn't work out. Everyone knew…and Jesus made me take off the dress. It was fine by me too…frumpy, itchy, ugly thing.
So now I'm sitting here at this dinner with all the religious people gawking at me in all my skanky ho glory and, for some reason, they haven't kicked me out yet. Maybe cause I'm here with Jesus.
Lately I've been really ashamed of my appearance and obvious bad manners. I don't have the energy or desire to put up a front. Jesus doesn't seem to be embarrassed, but it still hurts to have the audacity to show up anyway.
This entry was posted on Friday, August 24th, 2007 at 11:42 am and is filed under Anne Lamott, Hookers, ManWhore. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.










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