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The Audacity to Show Up

Erik Guzman August 24th, 2007

I've been noodling on something Anne Lamott said on the talk show

"I really know what it's like to flail and fail and not know what you're doing and to be familiar with the really dark aspects of yourself and the dark corners, but I know that with Jesus…with God you don't say come on in to the living room because you've got that one room together. You can't trick God into staying in the living room. God's gonna wanna see the closets.

If you want the healing you have to pull the stuff out of the closets too, even though it makes you feel bad.

With people, we're so brainwashed into thinking that this stuff is held against us by God just because it was held against us by our parents or by the cool kids in high school, but the only way you get through it is to just kinda wear it down by having the audacity to show up anyway."

I've always felt like the hooker who showed up at the preacher's house for dinner. For a while I thought I could cover up my fishnet stockings and the track marks on my arms with a long-sleeved flowered dress, hoping that no one would notice I'm a whore.

It didn't work out. Everyone knew…and Jesus made me take off the dress. It was fine by me too…frumpy, itchy, ugly thing.

So now I'm sitting here at this dinner with all the religious people gawking at me in all my skanky ho glory and, for some reason, they haven't kicked me out yet. Maybe cause I'm here with Jesus.

Lately I've been really ashamed of my appearance and obvious bad manners. I don't have the energy or desire to put up a front. Jesus doesn't seem to be embarrassed, but it still hurts to have the audacity to show up anyway.

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15 Responses to “The Audacity to Show Up”

mr. materia alba August 24th, 2007

i love ya man…. skanky ho and all…

by the way… can i, um, borrow your fishnet stockings… i need them for, ummm, a halloween party?… yeah that's it! i need them for a halloween party…

señor jefe August 24th, 2007

What makes the religious people gawk, is that they cannot fathom the freedom in being naked in the presence of Christ and each other.

Christov August 24th, 2007

I'm more like the whore who showed up at the religious meal to find that my behaviors were pretty innocent when compared to the behaviors of those from better neighborhoods who were more appropriately dressed. Then I had to think about my own prejudice against those who sin different, and against those who came to Christ different (and ungrammatically) than me.

Alan Davis August 26th, 2007

Sometimes I feel like family at a bastard reunion.

Jordan (w.m.s.n.b.s) August 27th, 2007

I have no problem being naked before God. He's heard me whine plenty of times. But there is know way I'm EVER going to spill my guts to Christians again. Some Christians are the most gossipy twits in existence. And you can never tell who the gossips are unless you yourself are a gossip. I'll bare all my garbage to pagans yes, but never Christians. Not again!

Jordan (w.m.s.n.b.s) August 27th, 2007

BTW, you got a javascript bug on your page.

Jordan (w.m.s.n.b.s) August 27th, 2007

Actually its server side stuff… :-D

/home/stevebro/public_html/co-op/modules/serve.php on line 323

Jordan (w.m.s.n.b.s) August 27th, 2007

I have fun sometimes, just listening to old episodes of etcetera. I get into the stream even in the reruns and I just want to contribute something to the conversation. I never do of course. Cause that would twist the continuum in on itself and destroy all your lives. So be thankful that I only listen. Its really cool to see how the etceteran threads weave into really awesome moments. You can see them collide and you know what's going to happen. Its a thrill.

Erik August 27th, 2007

Which one did you just listen to?

And BTW, thanks for not twisting our continuum. I for one am thankful.

Jordan (w.m.s.n.b.s) August 27th, 2007

I listen too them all in order. You're like existential background noise while I work on code. You're like the background radiation to my milky way, man. Ya know what's weird. You can't not look at yourself. Even when you're eyes are closed you're always looking at the back of your cornia. You can't stop. Think about it. Its like woah! Totally suffocating. Its so easy to think that the back of your head opens up into your mind, but really there is skull there. Reach back and feel it, man. You're totally stuck in this universe. Its scary! For real!

greg from canada August 28th, 2007

I am definately an etcetera junkie as well. If I am working at my desk I will usually have some episode of etcetera on. Like Jordan I will listen to them in order, but sometime I will jump to my favourites like smell the floss, happy bidet sharon, hodge podge, my buddy. We will also listen to episodes in the car when we go on our 5 hour car trip to visit family. The problem is I want to make etcetera references with people and they dont understand. A lot of my friends are into Starbucks so I have put Erik's Starbucks rant on for most of them. They get a kick out of it.

Erik August 28th, 2007

This is all gloriously affirming. Do you feel the [ping] tonight? I know I do. If you guys were made of spare ribs, I'd eat you. Seriously, glad you like the show.

Just in case you didn't know, and you want to go deeper into the Etcetera archives, we have shows going back to Sept. of 2005 on pingetcetera.com. Lots of the image links on the site are broken, and you'll get an occasional 404 error, but most of it's there.

Go to this page and start with the show titled "You Don't Have To Be Alone" from Sept. 14, 2005 if you're so inclined.

Forwarding Andrew August 28th, 2007

Someday the powers that be will figure out that people dig this stuff and will pay cash money to have delivered in one shiny convenient wrapper what we can get downloading free one-by-one.

What I'm saying is – and not just because I moved to Africa last month – I'd pay actual money for a DVD (or CD box set) with all the shows so I could binge on SBE & Etcetera without having to do all the extra work of downloading individual shows. Especially since the archives don't go back to episode 1! Finally, your chance to raise money for a yacht by selling autographed copies of have to us [ping] junkies.

shelly August 29th, 2007

Good stuff, Erik. :)

Jordan (w.m.s.n.b.s) August 29th, 2007

Erik, well I'm glad I'm not made of spare ribs. I have all the shows back to 2004.06.23 (a.k.a. the Nino files). And all I have to say is "Mistery Babylon!"

I agree with Africa boy! You need a box set totally. I'm sad that others can't experience the Fart Appology, calling Vickie, the premier of the Nerdiverse, and all that Moog stuff. :'( But alas RIAA is the dictator of this Empire.

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