S. Davidson April 25th, 2011

Well put, Renée.

I hope each waking, whenever that happens for each of us, is also a rebirth, in addition to the many moments each day when we are faced with a decision: Do I replenish my body, or spirit, this hour, or do I press on with whatever has my attention? Do I drop a few dollars to pay for the groceries that the person in front of me is unable to pay for and is struggling to decide what to leave behind?

I worked in antipoverty and homelessness for nearly ten years. I have been homeless. I have lived in poverty even while working full time at two jobs. I have experienced myriad abuses and illnesses, mental and physical.

As with Renée, my life has created an observer behind these eyes and beneath this skin.

And I have survived to be able to recognize the signs in others around me–whether their bodies are child age or not.

For me, that is reason enough to have lived through the years I've survived so far. Compassion, my strength and my weakness, and still I would have it no other way.

Thank you for posting this, Renée.

Jana April 25th, 2011

I believe, too, that we, as followers of Jesus, should care about those suffering more than we are. I have had a horrible decade, and the church "prays for me". Although I am indeed grateful for the prayers, I need physical people extending their active love and support into my life. I have developed a deep compassion for people who are suffering, especially those without support from another human being. If I hadn't gone through the injustices that I've been through, I probably would still be the way I used to be, too in love with my life to stop and help the suffering much less feel with them. I am now turned off of events that have frills and thrills, even for the children. They mean nothing and add nothing. It's fake.Children REALLY want to be loved and paid attention to, which costs nothing but time and energy. I would bet most kids would give up frills and thrills to do something that created a warm, open and comforting memory with a loved one.

My heart goes out to you and your suffering abuse as a child and the lifetime of suffering since.

renée altson April 25th, 2011

s,
thank you for your thoughts. I love your line, "Compassion, my strength and my weakness, and still I would have it no other way." yes, yes, and YES!

renée altson April 25th, 2011

Jana,
i appreciate your comments.

i have noticed a dichotomy recently between those who do extend and support some sort of physical interaction and those who do not.

many people in the church rank others by "what they deserve."

in other words, someone who is (quite often) mentally ill, or unemployed, or depressed is very often judged as their troubles being their own fault. the irony is that, technically, according to the church's own beliefs, all are equal in original sin. who is the church to judge?

i agree totally about you with the children, and can also agree that this applies to nearly everyone, child or adult. frills and thrills will only get us all so far. it is about relationships- not only with other humans, but also how we treat this world we have been given, and all other beings in the web of life.

thank you for your compassion for my own situation.

Liz April 25th, 2011

I see what you are saying to a point, Jana. (I am not really directing this to Renee because I don't think that Renee's intent was to tell other people to put a lid on things that they enjoy because it might have a negative meaning to someone else. I sort of got that feel from Jana, however)
BUT there are so very many different things that might upset someone for some reason. Do we never celebrate anything because someone might be hurt by it? I remember when my marriage was horrible I would wind up in the bathroom crying continually whenever there was a sermon on marriage. I remember when I was trying to get pregnant the second time around wanting to hide when someone else's pregnancy was celebrated. Should people never celebrate marriage because there are no doubt people for whom doing that is an unpleasant reminder about the lack in their own lives? Should baby showers and baby congratulations only occur behind closed doors lest someone be hurt by it? I had to face a certain point at which I realized that other people did not need to control their joy so as to not upset me. My expectation that they do that was actually somewhat self centered. It was a big day when I realized that others should not feel guilty for having something that I did not. Incidentally, that belief ingrained in my childhood ALSO prevented me from enjoying what I DID have and made me very suceptible to manipulation from anyone with a jealous bone in their body. How dare I have "X" when they did not have that.
As for holidays: I've pruned my holidays down to a pretty minimal secular level because I'm kinda anti-consumerist. (well, except for the food. It's an excuse to cook) I am with you that the secular trappings in excess can often surpass the real meaning of those holidays. But I don't get the idea that is what Jana meant to say. I get the idea that Jana would begrudge a kid an bag of Easter chocolate because somewhere there are people for whom that holds an unpleasant association. The problem with this line of thinking is that there is no limit to the things which are usually good but can be bad for someone else. Just how small do you make your world just in case what you are enjoying in innocent fun makes someone else uncomfortable? Sure, you are considerate when someone is coming to your home or something. But just how far do you go in theoretically worrying about the person that "might" take offense? I also think of what people have said after someone has died. They would go into a store and the clerk is happy. They want to scream : "HOW DARE YOU BE HAPPY AFTER WHAT I HAVE GONE THROUGH" Truly, is it really the responsibility of everyone to keep a sour face on "just in case" someone else is having a horrible season in their life and will feel worse because of someone else's joy?
I hope this makes some sense and doesn't come across as inconsiderate because that is not my intent.

renée altson April 25th, 2011

Liz,
these are good and interesting questions. my original dispute is with those who *know better* and do additional harm. But, yes, it's true… how can we as survivors still live in the world without getting triggered?

I think part of it is a sensitivity on the part of others. I think that in the case of a sermon on marriage, the parson (person) might make a disclaimer to the people who have been wounded in/thru/because of marriage; the one affected is still responsible for her own actions, but there are definite opportunities to mention the ones who do feel left out or hurt or triggered.

At the church I am attending now, I know that the parson (person) will recognize the effects and ramifications of whatever he says, and make an honest effort to connect with those people in a different way. Of course, it is a fairly small fellowship, but still, being in community does have an accountability to the others with you in community, and honoring their stories even as you talk to the people around a certain situation.

I think this is where mega-churches fail, there is simply no way for the parson to connect with all of the people. Isolated, the parson becomes immune perhaps to the real difficulties "his people" face.

So Liz, I understand what you are saying, and I know you are not inconsiderate, and I do think there is definitely some responsibility on both sides. And honestly, living in community would eliminate both problems, and bring healing to the whole. Overall, I think a parson should be aware of all kinds of baggage people bring to a "sermon" – and acknowledge it. He doesn't have to carry it, but he needs to say out loud that it is there. That is a human thing to do.

Liz April 26th, 2011

In a way this parallels a discussion that gets brought up from time to time in recovery. That being how much environment control should churches engage in when it comes to people who struggle with addictions, whether the problem be food or alcohol (not so much alcohol at church, but I've heard sermons where people are told that out of consideration for those who struggle with booze that they shouldn't have a beer out in public in case someone sees them and is tempted) My conclusion in these is it is a balance. There is a certain level of maturity gained in realizing that the world is not going to change itself and that one is responsible for one's own actions and responses. At the same time, there is stuff that is just so grossly insensitive that it needs to be addressed. Just like in a family, at least everyone is heard and a balanced approach gets set into place.
Like I said, I did NOT get this from you, Renee. I did get the idea from Jana that she thought everyone should cease and desist with any holiday merrymaking because it might have bad associations for someone.

Obed April 26th, 2011

"I wonder how your world is this morning. Now that Easter is over, are you relieved? Do you dread cleaning up the mess left over from yesterday's celebration? Are you thankful that your house is all yours again and your relatives have left? Do you feel the life and joy that you felt yesterday? Did you think of the resurrection when you first awakened?"
——————————————

I'm not sure if this has any bearing on the topic at hand or not, but in the traditional Church calendar, Easter is not just Easter Sunday, but the whole 50 days between Easter Sunday and Pentecost. They're better at celebrating that in the East than we Western Christians tend to be, but I wonder if viewing Easter more as a season than a single day could help really drive the Resurrection home at this time of year.

As I've gone through the Easter Week liturgies and readings the last couple of days, I've really enjoyed going from the Empty Tomb on Sunday to the Road to Emmaus on Monday to the first appearance to the Twelve today. I've especially really liked Jesus constantly saying to his bewildered followers, "Didn't you know that the Scriptures said this was going to happen?" and then explaining it all to them.

And of course, last week's readings systematically took us through each of the Last Supper and Passion narratives. After that week of really tough, dark stuff it's been wonderful to see the Resurrection and its aftermath. I'm actually a little disappointed that the special topical daily readings are over after today. But we still have the seasonal Collects and other prayers

All that said, I'm just now coming back to a more traditional expression of Christianity after spending about 15 years not really observing Easter, Christmas, etc. As a single guy (i.e. no kids to buy baskets and candy for) who hadn't been caught up in the more "secular" trappings of the day, I find myself more governed by the liturgical changes. I actually forgot about bunnies and eggs and baskets this year!

renée altson April 26th, 2011

It's an important perspective, liz. thanks for mentioning it! I think, for me, it is easier to err on the side of "why isn't everyone being sensitive to me?" … sometimes I actually get angry when people lose a loved one (this is hard to admit) because people -care- but i lost my family-of-origin without so much as a notice. It can be bad… so I do thank you for your comments. I love discussion!

renée altson April 26th, 2011

Obed,
yes, yes… the season is definitely a more thorough perspective (in my opinion). In this piece I am asking us to even look for resurrection beyond the *season* though into the fullness of the year, the years, the decades, the lives.

I found amazing comfort from following a more liturgical tradition for a couple of years. Tenebrae was my favorite service of the year, even more than "Easter Sunday" because it acknowledged darkness, pain, and loss. It is true that if it is read/done wholeheartedly it can be a marvelous journey through the Christ story. I am sorry you have no more readings… Perhaps I could help with that?

I like your comment that you actually forgot about bunnies/eggs/baskets … with it being so commercialized even outside the church, that is a difficult thing to do. Congratulations!

Thanks for your insight and for sharing your experiences.