Comments on: Rejected by eHarmony!

By: ;Hubie

;Hubie — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 12:54:09 +0000

Too Funny. I grew up in a Flyover State but have lived the last 25 years on the Left and Right Coasts. What would E-Harmony think of me? I know my wife wouldn't like it!

By: Paul

Paul — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 03:50:30 +0000

Thank-you for the article Susan. Delightful reading.

I'm just finishing your book. Fabulous. I'm a pastor, and your candid insights are helping me rethink what my sermons need to be providing for my congregation.

I hope you do another Steve Brown Etc. segment and take us beyond the book, or at least keep us up to date.

Blessings upon you!

By: Casey

Casey — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 17:14:12 +0000

Enjoyed your article thoroughly. However, I believe there is another reason why many people are hesitant about soliciting the services of an on-line dating site; fear of being judged! It may sound a bit silly, but many of the reasons you stated for not selecting a man may be just the reasons that many men (and women) are petrified about submitting a personality profile for evaluation; i.e. they are "too much this" or "not enough that." For example; many women who match your calibre of achievement in the artistic field complain that many men "feel intimidated" by their intellect and level of accomplishments. Yet, if you query them further, they quite frankly admit that they do not want a man who has not at least met the same level of achievement in his own life. Therefore, any man of modest accomplishment and charming personality who would be more than ecstatic to meet a woman like yourself finds himself just sulking and slinking back into the shadows rather than have his "best foot forward" smashed by the hammer of judgement. (Which is not to say that you do this!). Anyway, I also wanted to add that "artistic types" come in all flavors and levels of acheivement; there are the wildly successful types like yourself, and then there are those like me who've only had one poem published. (And is as far away from a six-figure salary as Micheal Eisner is from the spirit of Disney!). All-in-all, a good article, however.

By: Acushla

Acushla — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 06:28:31 +0000

My wife died 1996. As I look at the younger generation They do not know what it is, what it means to be totally committed to our LORD Yeshua. Otherwise they would know what it means to be totally committed to their spouses. So I have remained a widower. When you are totally committed you are soul mates, BEST Mates in a LOVE, Loving and Caring that has no end, a LOVE that never dies, a LOVE that never fades away.

By: Another Susan

Another Susan — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 05:10:33 +0000

Thanks for the honesty. My experience with church and Bible studies is that I'm the most open and bluntly honest one there. Sometimes someone is uncomfortable at first (me), but usually the others there are relieved that they don't have to be phony. Or relieved that they're not as bad as I am. By being honest, we are doing a service to others.
I am going through a difficult time in my faith right now, and I really needed to hear that I'm okay and God is okay with my anger. Thanks for the reminder. I'm going to buy your book, and if it's as good as your essay above, I'm going to buy one for each of my loved ones. Hopefully, they'll receive it in the spirit in which it's intended. (not angry, just hopeful for hope) Don't mean to sound too churchy, but I'm gonna say it anyway: God bless:)

By: Carolina

Carolina — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 03:13:34 +0000

Humm, I filled out the e-harmony questionnaire and had no problem getting signed up. I was honest and I think I am an independent thinker. Maybe they just took one look at my beautiful face and they said: yoooo, we have to have this dudebro in our database!!

My advice to any woman looking for a man is dont be afraid to be sexy.. look sexy, act sexy and BE sexy. And if a man tries to get fresh, then throw his arse out of the car and make him walk home. The next time, he will know how to BEHAVE–guaranteed!!

By: Chemical Erik

Chemical Erik — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 03:11:45 +0000

Susan: That puts the 7 years I lived in California into perspective!

I've never been much for doing what people think I should do. Not that I try to defy people either, I just make my own decisions. In my family I never would have found Jesus if weren't that way.

I can also agree most of the women that show up to bible studies and church events aren't the most exciting or intellectual people. Glad I'm not fighting to find a gem among them.

By: Susan

Susan — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 01:57:23 +0000

Obed: That's interesting that Christian men feel the same about Christian women. I know the church wants us to stay pure, but often we shut everything down for fear of doing the wrong thing. SO we end up kind of listless, waiting, and lose some of our best drive — and not just for relationship but also being out in the world and doing what we're made to do. I think the church is trying to change all of that. But anyway you are not alone.

And Chemical Erik: Amen. People in the fly-over states get married younger, maybe becuase they're not (as) distracted by delusions of granderu. Nothing wrong with dreaming big dreams! But I know I was told to go out and get my professional life going, (or get healed or get holy) and THEN LATER think about marriage and family. As if we'll ever get our dreams or careers of personal lives completely together, this side of heaven.

And you're also right that it's not just artistic people who are complex thinkers/ feelers. I think the longer you are a Christian you start to see the complexities and contradictions and have to deal with them. Perhaps the grass is greener, but singleness is overrated. All of those parties I went to… I WENT anticipating great things and came home underwhelmed. But doing life with someone, having a companion to go though life together and ACK: See your CRAP and ahve to work on it. That's the REAL stuff of maturity. I think it was Martin Luther who said that marriage is the best preparation for heaven. SO all those "boring married folk" from the flyover states are probably going to be more ready than we coastal flakes.

By: Chemical Erik

Chemical Erik — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 21:28:43 +0000

I just want to clear up that not everyone in a "fly-over" state does what the guidance councilor tells them they should do.

I'd also add not everyone who isn't an artistic type thinks the world is black and white. Or maybe I'm an artistic engineer. Perhaps I'll just have to live with that mystery.

Really, thanks for the article. I married my high-school sweetheart and occasionally have felt jealous of single friends with dates and parties and such. Mostly at those times when I've been fighting with the wife, which thankfully gets less often the longer we're married. It takes a little reminder for us boring married folk to remember how much of a blessing it is not to be going through dating scene.

By: Obed

Obed — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 16:49:07 +0000

That was a GREAT article! Every online dating site I've tried has been absolutely horrible as far as what I'd need out of a gal. When you said there was either no mojo or no faith, that's exactly how I've seen it. The interesting women are typically agnostic or atheists. And the Christian women are uninteresting. So, yeah, I've concluded that just gotta slog on and trust God. And actually go do stuff that I'm interested in rather than defaulting to being at home all the time.

Great stuff, Susan. You rock!