Disturbed & Concerned (Part 2)

Steve Brown February 7th, 2008

Maybe it’s an unusual amount of critical emails and letters, maybe it’s the book Erik and I are working on (Three Free Sins) or maybe it’s that my parents potty trained me wrong.

If you were “listening” the last time I wrote here, you know that I was going through my normal, self-centered, anal questions about me.

We all know it’s about me.

I told you that God laughed at me…and that, in his laughter, I felt released from my obsessiveness and started laughing at myself.

Then I told you that I would tell you what I told my concerned friend and myself as I questioned where I believe I’m supposed to go, what I’m supposed to say and what I’m supposed to do.

Okay. Here it is.

I don’t have the foggiest!

Just kidding.

The following is some of what I wrote to my concerned friend…

…and to myself.

I really do understand where you’re coming from. You are a warrior and I think the battle is over. And, even if it isn’t, winning it is way above my pay level. In fact, I believe that the concentration on winning is the reason there is no victory.

I just don’t have the gasoline (never have, by the way) to be more than what I always have been. I am constantly amazed that you think I’ve changed, speak of God in a more flippant way, and say things that I haven’t said before and for most of my ministry.

But that road is not helpful…it becomes “You’ve changed” / “No, I haven’t changed” back and forth and it goes nowhere.

Yes, we probably agree on who God is, the fallen nature of man, a definition of sin, the necessity of repentance, and the hope and call for faithfulness, holiness and obedience. Every Pharisee with whom Jesus spoke would agree on all of that. Those, in the propositional sense, aren’t even the issues.

With Jack Miller, I think that I’m a lot worse than I ever dreamed I was. And I teach, preach and speak from that context.

I honestly don’t think a lot of people believe that is true with them. Therefore, they are offended by grace because they define grace as a “sell-out,” a compromise, and a sign of not having convictions and being faithful to them.

Don’t get me wrong. Most Christians I know…know they’re sinners. They know that grace is vitally important and that salvation comes from him and him only. They just have a far higher belief in possibilities and far more hope about themselves and others than I do.

In fact, they may be right. I don’t think so, but maybe they are.

I just can’t go there and be faithful to what I believe, experience and see in almost everyone. People who go down the path of obsessive obedience and faithfulness almost always hit a wall and go through horrible disappointment, darkness and pain. Once they’ve been there and failed…

…they often don’t come back.

I honestly believe in radical freedom that comes from God’s unconditional and unbelievable mercy and grace, and the imputation of Christ’s righteousness. That freedom sometimes offends others, sometimes it increases sin for a season, and sometimes it looks skewed and out of the box. But those who know it…

…always come back.

I can’t help the infectious joy thing. With Mercy in Pilgrim’s Progress, I find myself laughing out loud. I’m not laughing because I’m right, because I’m smart or because I’m pure. I’m laughing because I’m his and he is really fond of me. Those who know that always laugh and…

…always come back.

And then there’s the surprising faithfulness thing. It happens. It’s not the issue, but it really does happen. I’m still here, aren’t I? I still believe what I’ve always believed and done what I’ve always done, and I’m still teaching the Bible and telling people about Jesus. But even if I wasn’t faithful, he would still love me and people who know that sometimes surprise themselves with their faithfulness and…

…always come back.

Those who are “constrained by Christ’s love” and who have come to see “Abba” as the defining attribute of God, may screw up, sound flippant and lack convictions. But I’ve noticed (and I’ve been doing this a very long time) that they really do come back.

Dan Allender said at our pastor’s conference that grace was so radical that most congregations and believers can’t handle it. “So,” he said to the pastors, “you have to give it out in small doses until you get the kids through college.”

My kids are through college. I’ve listened to and weathered a whole lot of criticism, anger and condemnation. I’m not looking for a bigger church and for more PR, and I don’t care much if anybody agrees with me. I’m free to say what I believe needs to be said and I’m going to continue to do that.

So, while I appreciate your concern, I’m going to continue doing what I do and believe I have been called to do. You, on the other hand, are going to continue to be often shocked…and sometimes offended. And we are going to have to agree to love each other anyway.

I doubt that my friend feels a lot better.

I do.

And we all know it’s about me.

Actually, it’s not about me at all. It’s about him and that is why I was so relieved when he laughed at me.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, February 7th, 2008 at 9:18 am and is filed under Freedom, Grace. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.