Bob Jones University

Matthew August 28th, 2007

If you haven't been keeping up with "˜The Jones', BJU is an uber-conservative private college in Greenville, SC, established in 1927. Many unfounded rumors surround the school, but just the basic, undisputed facts are themselves laughable enough.

Exhibit A: BJU refused to enroll blacks until 1971 and until 2000 had rules forbidding interracial dating. Yikes. Talk about putting the "˜mental' in "˜fundamentalist.'

The school has gradually been pulling its coll … (Read More)

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Celebrity Spawn Rescue Mission

Matthew August 21st, 2007

So the latest tabloid headline is that Britney Spears, aside from her laundry list of confirmed bad choices, may be playing for the other team. All of this leaves us with a mind-numbingly improbable conclusion, that Kevin Federline is the parent who should be taking care of their offspring.

Sadly, the plight of these kids (the babies, not the celebrities) is not an isolated incident. But finally, someone is doing something about it.

PS: If these comedy bits were my kids, this week's bit is … (Read More)

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Battle of the Bonds

Matthew August 14th, 2007

From causing the loss of sexual vitality to potentially triggering murderous rampages, steroids have gotten a bad reputation in recent years.

But why doesn't anyone ever talk about the upside of steroid use? Why does no one mention that, with proper diet and exercise, steroids could potentially help you achieve astounding athletic records that will forever hang under a veil of doubt and shame?

Well, one man isn't afraid to brave the frontiers of sports and blackmarket science (allegedl … (Read More)

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Wal-Mart

Matthew August 7th, 2007

With the new school year upon us, parents now begin the annual back-to-school pilgrimage to Wal-Mart for discounted prices on pencils, notebooks, and non-toxic (good thing) paste.

But what is the true cost of those low prices? Is Wal-Mart an evil corporation bullying its competitors and underpaying its employees? Or is the world's largest employer a force for economic good? Actually, the real question is whether this week's bit is making fun of Wal-Mart or the company's rabid detr … (Read More)

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The Reincarnation of Gandhi in Cow-nseling

Erik Guzman July 31st, 2007

Many would like to possess the wisdom of a great man…or bovine, but few are willing to pay the price. Often extreme profundity is born of intense pain. Such is the case with our in-house guru, The Reincarnation of Gandhi.

Some things can take a lifetime (or more) to shake. Apparently, the contentment of cows is highly overrated.

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The Lost Nixon Tapes

Matthew July 17th, 2007

When it comes to presidential controversy, Clinton is the Barry Bonds to Nixon's Hank Aaron. Sure, Clinton may have bested Nixon on paper, but in our hearts, no one could ever replace Tricky Dick. Truly, there will never be another Nixon (to kick around).

That's why we're so jazzed that the National Archives has just released a whole new batch of Nixon recordings. And if you thought you knew the man before, brother, take a listen. You don't know the half of it.

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