estuardo June 25th, 2008

Alright Erik,

Short of sounding glib, and phony, I have to say Sharon has got it right 1010%! Don't kid yourself! I think what you do is necessary, 'from the crotch', and above all else-real, honest, and from the heart.

Okay, go fix yourself a cup of coffee, or something to eat, then come back and read the rest, because I'm going to be long-winded.

My mom died when I was thirteen from cancer. She was only 40. I could go into all the things she missed in my life, but I would rather talk about how God brought my step-mom into mine. She 'inherited' quite a boat load of stuff, but her Irish temperment bouyed her through the rough spots. I, being a typical teen of the late seventies, was doing what teens do best, and my Dad having a liquor store didn't hurt!

She brought her three daughters into our family, and blended it as best she knew how. I gave her a fair dose of headaches, as I, in my selfish teenage mind, thought she needed, in order to understand my pain. Yet, I never considered what she went through, with an alcoholic father, and her mother having died at a young age, from breast cancer.

As I grew older, and moved out, I began to see how much she really loved me, and we had a tender moment where she was able to express that to me before I left home for good to start my life. She went on to become a special education teacher, beloved by many in the community, touching many hearts, especially her grandson, my nephew, who was born with a genetic birth defect, causing severe mental retardation. Their bond was more than special, and words would never do the justice to describe their relationship.

During that time in my life, I was dealing with the trauma of being sexually abused by a priest, and all the junk that comes with it. Too self absorbed to see all that others were doing or how they cared about me, my step-mom's compassion always came through.

Six years ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer, the worst form anyone could have, just like her mom, and fought it valiantly. Summer of 2006, she was told the cancer had matastisized to her brain, and she'd have six months. We scrambled to she her one more time, living a day and a half's drive from my parents always made that difficult. With a set back or two, she was able to come home from the hospital, and for the first time in almost two decades, we had everyone home for that Christmas. By God's grace she survived a full year, yet we weren't able to see her, and she died the day after Christmas 2007. My Father-in-law, also having been diagnosed with cancer, and was in the last stages when my mom died. My family wasn't able to be with her one last time. My Father-in-law died three days later on the 29th of Dec.

My step-mom left an indelible mark, and I miss her so much. She had written a note for me, to be given to me after she died, telling me of how proud she is of me, and what a man I had become. She never knew of my addictions, or struggles I still continue with. Needless to say, the guilt I felt sent me into another tailspin, and I started to act out, again.

I have always enjoyed Steve's radio show, and have listened to his Etc. broadcast, now and then, but after her death, I started searching for more. I seen you had the Scandalous Freedom material, so I listened to that, filling me mind up with truths of God's love, hoping I would believe it. I received little if any compassion from my church family through all of the trauma, and came to rely on listening to the podcasts.

I got so used to listening, and started listening to the other broadcast of just etc., when about a month ago, a couple of guys were talking about this book called 'The Shack', and they were compelling, but honest, and I wanted to see what the fuss was about. (Read my blog to find out my thoughts, if you like, because it's too long to describe here.) In short, it blew me away. Soooo many points touched on my life, my therapist and I are having to go through each one, helping me to grasp it.

Anyways, the person I have to thank for that is YOU!

I would have never heard of that unless you had mentioned it, and it is helping me to see how much God does love me. I'm reading it again for the third time, because that's how much it touches me!

Listening to you on this broadcast; your honest, genuine, unvarnished self, and you didn't plug some book on 'Erik's ten things to help you get through this', shows me that God IS using you in such a tremendous way, ESPECIALLY when you think He isn't, or when you're at your worst!

Man, I don't know what else to say, other than I wish I had a friend like you in my life who would be as real as you can be!

What does Steve say–Don't you shilly shally!

Seriously Eric, Your cool, and you've got it so right!

God Bless the Hell outa ya,
Estuardo

Chemical Erik June 26th, 2008

Since I asked Leo Nevillo if he was a Merry Monkey, he asked me to vote for one of his mixes. Thought some of the Etcetera family would want to join in the voting. Here's his email:

hi,

one of my remixes currently is in the top 5 of an ongoing contest. Please vote for me, it's just 1 click and it'll take you approximately 5 seconds, thanks alot!

http://www.dropmagazine.com/hiero-remix-contest-finalists-up-vote-now/

cheers, leo

p.s.: i won't be mad if your friends/co-workers vote too

John June 28th, 2008

Just wanted to say Me too, Erik.

Chemical Erik July 3rd, 2008

After the talk of "Christianity from the crotch", I thought I'd share something that took me by surprise. This morning I listened to Coverville (no new SBE or Etc. episodes).

Episode 478: George Micheal Cover Story

I was never a George Micheal fan, but hearing cover version allowed me to really pay attention to the lyrics. I was really surprised at the spiritual and philosophical struggles that came out in his songs. If that doesn't make you want to listen, try this:
50's Doo-wap style cover of "I want your sex"